June 11, 2018
Growing up I was always surrounded by women. A single mother and three aunts who were always very close with us. I was always taught to treat everyone with respect, especially women. Entering my first relationship, these ideals came along. At first our relationship was very loving and peaceful, but I think this was only because she hid her true personality from me. She treated me as her equal and gave me respect. Throughout the days, weeks, months, she started to fall back into her own depression she was recovering from before our relationship. She became more hostile over the smallest of things, speaking to me in a derogatory manner, ignoring me at a time when my struggles with my depression began surfacing again after a long time being under control. These conflicts became more frequent, eventually turning into daily occurrences. By this point I fell deep back into my depression.
Our 10 month anniversary came. I started to cling to her. I started to need her more and more. I was never the kind of person who wanted attention, let alone NEEDED it. But with her, I couldn’t stand not having her attention. I became reliant on her for my own sanity. I couldn’t imagine a world without her.
August 20. I survived August 20.
She told my friends. They told me. She broke my heart and ended everything. The walls of my life came crashing down as everything I knew and loved was taken from me and seemed pointless. I felt like I couldn’t live anymore. My friends called for help.
I heard a banging on my door, opened it and standing there was an emergency team. I broke down crying. They asked me to come with them and everything after that felt like a blur. My mom showed up and at that moment I felt some semblance of comfort as she hugged me, as we both cried there in the emergency room. I stayed the night in that emergency room, surrounded by other people with completely different stories than me. I was transferred to another hospital and admitted as an impatient. While I was there I learned so much about myself and my relationship with my ex. I discovered I was in an abusive relationship.
I came to realize it wasn’t the end of the world because she was gone. That I was surrounded by the love of my friends. I learned that my beliefs and ideals aren’t set in stone and they can shift in certain circumstances. Respect for myself first and foremost is important.
Upon my discharge from the hospital I immediately saw my friends, told them how much I cared about them and how they meant to me.
One thing that was certain: I had the love and support of my friends.