Desiree

June 11, 2018

By: Desiree

I played with my demons

They played with me

They told me to fly

They believed in me

They told me to jump and reach for the sky

Soo enough they controlled me

I have to let of them and be free

Be happy and somewhere everybody wants me to be

But that was the problem

I don’t do things for myself

Now it’s the people controlling me not my demons

The people that tell me to be more like her and less like me

All these thoughts of having to change who I am

And not what I want to be

Soon enough it became both

The voice inside my head telling me I’m not good enough

I drown out the thoughts in my head, then I have the people I unfortunately can’t drown out

They tell me things will get better but I know they won’t anytime soon

I’m told everyday about how important I am to people

I just don’t feel it

I can’t do it

I can’t wake up every morning and be happy

I have problems to deal with

That I don’t want to deal with

I walk around every day insecure

Not sure of myself

I have sinister thoughts of leaving

No I don’t mean picking up my bags and walking out the door

I mean taking something and you find me on the floor

I know that’s harsh but it’s the way I’m feeling

And unfortunately I can’t feel any other way

Day after day these thoughts won’t leave my head

The thoughts had me in their hands

The strings wrapped around their fingers were connected to each one of my limbs

They make me dance with the devil and his demons

I suffocated myself in a deep sea of blankets

My mind moved more than my mouth and I bled the colour of rose petals

I cried like the rainstorms in September.

I’m sick and tired of everything besides myself controlling me

I need to take over

Me

It’s me that needs to do things for me

I want to be happy

I don’t want to feel this way anymore

I want to be proud of the skin I’m in

And who I am

Because there’s nothing wrong with me

I am beautiful and nobody compares to me

Because I am unique

Sure my nose tilts upwards

Sure I’m not skinny

I’m not the girl they would put on the cover of a magazine

But I could be happy